Things I've Learned About Myself

I know I just wrote a blog yesterday, but I felt motivated to share this. So among everything that I have learned since I have been in France, I think some of the most important things I've learned have been about myself... I always thought my first year out of college (ok ok first semester out of college-before I went back to Grad School) was the one of the most enlightening periods of self-discovery I had ever experienced... until now, I guess. I think there's something bout being alone (sorta) in a different culture.... away from everything and everyone who you love.. everything and everyone who makes you YOU.. that really leads one to have some self-epiphanies. Now I'm not gonna sit over here on any high horse and pretend that many of these are profound... most of them aren't.. but when you live with yourself day in and day out and you learn these things about yourself, it always seems to call for a "huh...." moment. Here is what i've discovered about myself thus far:



1) I don't cry for GOOD reasons. Over here, I rarely allow myself to cry at all. But, if I do, it's because of some stupid movie or... ok really just movies. I put so much pressure on myself to be strong... I practically CAN'T cry. When I'm at home in the states with Erin, or just with Erin at all, I'll cry at the drop of a hat. Whether it be for serious reasons or for no reason at all. But, when i'm in "independent zone", like I am when I am alone, I am fully in the zone.

2) I am really not as high maintenance as I used to think I was. I reuse towels which is a big step for me. I DEFINATELY rewear jeans, tank tops, Pj pants. Laundry is probably a bi-weekly thing for me. Although I do have enough undies to safely get me through two weeks, everything else is pushing it.

3) I have a little attitude in me .. even with strangers. Ok true, my family (including Erin) has all seen me get feisty. However, the Southern Belle in me rarely lets me lose my cool or get snappy with strangers. NORMALLY, I'm all smiles and "yes ma'ams and no sirs" and "I hate to bother you again but do you think you could...." BUT I think the French impatience and rudeness have kinda gotten to me. Plus, I've learned the French won't do anything for you unless you are squeaky wheel. AND BELIEVE YOU ME, I CAN be that sqeaky wheel now lol. . . . . .well, sorta. still learning. =)

4) I am really a tube junky. I definately appreciate my television. It's comforting, and really, when you think bout it... If you are at your house and are either NOT eating or NOT doing laundry, 9 times out of 10, your TV is on.. and will stay on ALL DAY until you leave the house. I never realized before how important TV was for me. I am so grateful we have a TV at our house and that I can get online episodes of TV shows

5) I LIKE teaching Middle School students. For the most part. Like 6th graders. They're cute and they really appreciate your lessons if it's a good one. And they will tell you.. and be all shy and cute about it. I feel more appreciated by my babies at least. AND wlking down the hallways is a self-confidence booster when you are at LEAST the same height as them.. and not shorter than ALL of them.

6) I need my mommy. I kinda feel bad for Erin. You always hear about those newlyweds and how the wife goes off to "mommy" to discuss everything first. I don't think I'll be THAT bad... but I DO need my mommy. I don't like going two days without talking to her. . . nor my whole family in general for that matter but... theres something bout a mother/daughter relationship that is comforting.

7) I am MORE traditional and MORE conservative than I had thought. I am still 100% liberal in my thinking... everyone else can do as they please and it won't bother me. However, I just have decided that, personally, I prefer things to be pure, simple, and honest. I don't know how else to explain it. Not without offending people I guess.

8) I am not so tunnel-visioned anymore. I see that my life doesnt have to fit an agenda.. even my own agenda. I'm not saying that I REGRET coming here ( one should never have regrets), but I now question my motivations for wanting to come. I wanted ( and have all my life wanted) to prove something to everyone. Like I can be the most "this" or have the best "that".... Erin and I have rearranged our plans for the next upcoming couple of years. No school, no kids (lol we hope), no moving right away. Just live life. The Daily Grind.. what most people spend an entire lifetime trying to get away from lol. BRING IT ON.

9) I don't really like cheese as much as I used to think. I think I am over cheese. Especially goat cheese.. which is mostly what they sell here. Maybe it makes me less "french" but i'll be okay if i never buy another block of cheese in my life.

10) Alcohol makes me sleepy. For the first 30 minutes, it makes my french flow more easily. AFTER 30 minutes, my cheeks get all red (even after ONE glass of wine) and I am ready for bed. AND if I don't get to a bed within the hour, I. GET. GRUMPY. Even if alcohol isnt invloved, when i decide it's time to go to bed..... it's TIME to go to bed. I have a very small window of opportunity there before I start to get unpleasant.

11) I HATE MY NECK.

So that is all for now. Yay for self-discovery! Love to all/ Gros Bisous!!